


ARMAND JOINS THE TALAMASCA

by LSRichards



Category: Vampire Chronicles - Anne Rice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-28
Updated: 2016-12-28
Packaged: 2018-09-12 22:54:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9094387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LSRichards/pseuds/LSRichards
Summary: The nights are long, one gets bored, and please, they're just ASKING for it!





	

THE VAMPIRE ARMAND JOINS THE TALAMASCA

A SCREENPLAY IN THREE ACTS

(AO3 does not support screenplay format: pretend!)

 

PROLOGUE:

INT. TALAMASCA NEW YORK MOTHERHOUSE – NIGHT.

A RECEPTIONIST types on a computer. The DOOR opens, and BLACK SHOES enter.

The receptionist looks up. 

 

RECEPTIONIST

May I help y—

 

The VAMPIRE ARMAND stands in the lobby. 

 

ARMAND

I’d like an application. 

 

TITLE CARD: ACT ONE: JOB INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE.

 

Armand sits across a desk from a TALAMASCA INTERVIEWER.

INTERVIEWER

So, uh, Armand, let’s review your résumé. Let’s see:1500 to 1510, you apprenticed with Marius? 

 

Armand nods.   
  


INTERVIWER

1510 to 1570: Journeyman with the Roman Coven;1570 to 1780: Coven Master, Paris Coven; 1780 to 1870: Manager, Théâtre des Vampires; 1929 to 1984: Regional Manager, New Orleans Territory; 1988 to 2008: Owner/Operator the Night Island, 2009 to Present: Owner of Trinity Gate. 

 

ARMAND

Yes. I have organizational skills.

 

INTERVIWER

Yes. Um... I see here you’ve listed “conflict resolution” as one of your strengths. Can you give me an example of a workplace conflict you resolved?

 

ARMAND

Well, there was that one time Nicki wouldn’t behave, so I cut off his hands. 

 

INTERVIEWER

Um...

 

ARMAND

It resolved the conflict. 

 

INTERVIEWER

I’m not sure... 

 

ARMAND

Look. You investigate the paranormal. I  am the paranormal. I have centuries of experience  being paranormal. There is no conceivable way you can tell me I’m unqualified for the position. 

(narrows eyes)

You wouldn’t be attempting to  discriminate , would you?

 

EXT. STREET OUTSIDE MOTHERHOUSE. – NIGHT.

Armand looks at his new TALAMASCA BUSINESS CARD. Smiles. 

 

TITLE CARD: ACT TWO: ON ASSIGNMENT. 

 

Armand sits before a computer, typing with preternatural speed.

INSERT: MICROSOFT WORD DOCUMENT. 

06/06/2015, 3:05 A.M.: SUBJECT (ME) ENTERED 24-HOUR DRUGSTORE. CONSIDERED COTTON SWABS. COMPARED STORE BRAND TO NAME BRAND. IS ADDITIONAL PRICE WORTH ADDITIONAL QUALITY? WHAT BENEFIT IS THERE TO NAME BRAND? WHY ARE THEY CALLED “Q-TIPS” AT ALL? WHAT DOES THE “Q” STAND FOR? WAIT — I DON’T NEED THESE ANYWAY. 3:07 A.M. SUBJECT (ME) MOVED TO SUPPOSITORIES DISPLAY. 

Armand calls up a PRINT SCREEN. 

INSERT: PRINT SCREEN. 

PRINT: Pages 1 - 22,000.

Armand hits “enter.” Smiles. 

 

TITLE CARD: ACT THREE: PERFORMANCE REVIEW. 

 

The Talamasca interviewer sits at the desk, against a BACKGROUND of REAMS and REAMS of TYPED WORD DOCUMENTS. 

INTERVIEWER

Well, Armand. You’ve been very...productive.

 

He lowers his head to the desk. 

 

INTERVIEWER

Oh, God. You’re just fucking with us, aren’t you? 

 

Amand smiles. He loves this man so, so much.

 

CODA: 

INT. TRINTY GATE – NIGHT. 

Armand enters his house. The VAMPIRE LOUIS looks up from his newspaper.  

LOUIS

How did it go?

 

ARMAND

Severance. And a pension. 

 

LOUIS

Nice. 

 


End file.
